2 Arby's sandwiches please

Last night Michael and I went on a double date with some friends. We had a lovely time discussing a myriad of topics. The conversation came around to our worst dates.

Let me preface this story with the excuse that I was young. I should have just called off the date as soon as it started going wrong. I just put up with it because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. (dumb I know)

When I was in college a young man wanted to go out with me. We arranged to have him come to my house and pick me up for dinner and a movie.

He showed up in his new Chevy cavilier. While we drove to the restaurant he proceeded to brag about his new "sports car". I was laughing inside because I wasn't impressed but I thought it was sweet. We were young and he paid for it himself.

Then we pull up in front of Arby's. I was taken aback.

"I thought we were going to a restaurant" I said.

"This is a restaurant. I take all my dates here" he replies.

We get out of the car and go in. He walks up to the counter and orders 2 Arby's sandwiches, a large fries, and a large Coke. The cashier tells him his total and he pays.

He turns to me and says, "Oh did you want something?"

"No" I said flatly. I wasn't going to eat with him.

I sat down at the table with the skinny hunk of an idiot. He took out his first sandwich and put tons of their sauces on it. He took a bite and the sauce started running down his arm to his elbow.

HE LICKS THE SAUCE OFF THE LENGTH OF HIS ARM! No he didn't I think to myself.

He finishes all of his food and suggests we go on to the movie. I almost suggested that he take me home.

The entire way to the movie he brags on his car again.

We get to the theater and he decides we need to go see George of the Jungle. He pays for his ticket. I pay for mine.

He says that he wants to play video games until showtime. I watch him play the games. I am bored but the movie is about to start and I won't have to pay any more attention to him.

He looks at me and says, "This game is fun. Do you want to play against me? I have lots of quarters here."

I say, "Okay." What could the harm be? It was better than watching him play.

He puts in his money and says, "Put in your money."

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

The rest of the date went by. I blocked it out because it was horrible. He wanted to kiss me goodnight and asked me when we could go out again.

"Never!" I didn't care about his feelings anymore.

Appropriate Viewing

I'm in the midst of de-cluttering my home of all the Holiday mess. Quite a lot of it has ended up on the kitchen table. So, when dinner was ready this evening, I looked at the table and decided that we were having a picnic on the living room floor.

I went in to spread out a blanket, and realized that my boys were watching "Making Fiends", a cartoon that's just about as stupid as they come. I grabbed the remote and put on one of my channels which was having a show about kittens in the womb. I'd seen the previews for the show and thought that it'd be kind of neat to see kitties in-utero. It's science-related, informational, and just creepy enough to keep my boys from writhing on the living room floor out of boredom.

I went back into the kitchen to get the plates of dinner loaded up, when my oldest child walks in, a bit pale, and says, "Mom, I just watched a baby kitty come out of it's Mom's... belly. Can we pleeease watch something else? That's really gross."

So, while I thought that I was protecting my kids from inane cartoons, I was inadvertently giving them a crash course in "where babies come from". Great. Juuust great.

At this point, my husband intervened. I assumed that he would put on football, with it being Sunday and all. Nope. He opted for the channel that shows the UFC fights.

And that is what led up to our television-less picnic dinner.