Thursday, May 28, 2009

Beer Pong - Poison Your Peers

*in affected Martha Stewart voice*

Hosting a party that will have you waking up with a bad case of the Oh-No’s is a time-honored college tradition. Bored, underage and irresponsible drinkers the world over have played drinking games for years, because alcohol poisoning is so entertaining. The secrets of success are massive amounts of alcohol and reckless abandon. You can get your friends drunk, or you can get your friends DRUUuuUUuuNK. What better way to do this than to play Beer Pong?

If you haven't got your own table, a cherry-wood closet door can be transformed into a wonderful Beer Pong Table in just a few short hours.

First, acquire a cherry-wood closet any means necessary. I got this one by inviting myself into the home of a friend with cherry woodwork, knocking her over the head with my chartreuse Everyday ball-peen hammer and lifting it while she was passed out. *wry smile*
Once you've gotten it home and wiped the fingerprints off the hammer, remove the hardware on your new cherry-wood door.

Next, simply paint circles on the top surface of the door at the appropriate points with a sable brush and acrylic paint. I use a simple, antique compass I found at the most pretentious shop in Turkey Hill. I find if I use it without being inebriated myself, I make the most perfect circles.
Now, lacquer the top of the beer pong table, making sure the strokes go with the grain, of course, for a better rebound.

Once the finish is dry, I find that a grosgrain ribbon attached with decorative upholstery tacks really brings the whole thing together, adding that special touch.

Everyone should have a table like this at their next drunken gathering.

The Beer Pong's a good thing.


Rebeccalynn_dj said...


Rebeccalynn_dj said...
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javamama said...


Smiling Gypsy said...

That is the funniest thing I've read in a long time! I've sent a link to some friends who are avid Beer Pong enthusiasts.